Lack of a nighttime routine

I wonder if I'm being a bad mother because we do not have a routine for bed. It seems like everyone else gives their baby a bath, reads them a story, then rocks them to sleep. Believe me, I have tried all of those things. I have tried doing those things in different orders and at different times. It doesn't work for us. Anytime I try to "put Gem to sleep" I wind up staying up until 4 in the morning glued to the desk chair. By 3 am  I would finally nurse Gem to sleep, and any movement beyond a few mouse clicks would snap her right awake. Sometimes I worry if that is a bad thing.


Then I think it must be good Gem is a light sleeper. That means less of a chance of SIDS, right?

Or maybe it's good because I am following her schedule, and not trying to force anything on her.

Then I remember we have an early pediatrician appointment, or I need to drive Daddy to school. Or I can't sleep any longer even though I have only been asleep for three hours and desperately want more.

Then I'm hormonal, short-tempered, and exhausted. I become a whiny mess, so as soon as possible, I take Gem for a nap, and she nurses and sleeps while I sleep. For a pretty long time. Like 4 or 5 hours. And every night when I think of all the babies in this country who must have had a bath and are dreaming sweet dreams of milk and toes, I wish I could be one of those moms.

One of those moms who manages to keep up with the laundry. One who has time to vacuum, shower, run errands, and still makes dinner nightly, and keeps her baby on a routine.

But there is nothing like spending a cold winter afternoon cuddled in bed with my beautiful girl.

So tonight while I am pacing the house at 3 in the morning regretting the coffee I drank before dinner, the nap Gem took from 6 to 8, and the nap I took after lunch I'll just have to think of how cozy we will be tomorrow at noon...