Mall glares

     Breastfeeding has been a huge challenge for us. Throughout everything though, I still feel perfectly comfortable nursing in public...until someone looks at us. Well, stares more than looks. I was able to use a thin scarf to cover us when I went out when she was a newborn, but now she is more interested in the world and just fusses if I try to cover her up. She rarely will stay latched for more that ten minutes at a time, and loud noises (or children, or talking, or anything really) will cause her to let go and try to look around.

I try not to see this as a problem. I'm often quick enough to pull my nursing tank back into place, or even just put my arm in the way until I'm covered. My wonderful boyfriend is supportive of me nursing our girl in public, and will even just stand in front of us if we're having some trouble. I'm pretty clumsy, Gem's squirmy, and I really just don't like the idea of strangers looking at my breast(s).

BUT STRANGERS STILL LOOK AT MY CHEST!

I do not try to flash my goods for everyone to see. I understand people can't help but look at our beautiful girl. For some reason though, whenever I get really awkward or even dirty looks from people it is because they caught a flash of my nip. Honestly, you were looking at my breast while I was feeding my daughter, did you expect a bottle to magically appear there if she let go?

     If strangers trying to catch a peek wasn't frustrating enough, my family really does not know how to react to us. My aunt likes to take us places, and for my birthday we went to Walmart, Old Navy, and Panera Bread. A trip to three public venues can be tough on me. When Daddy comes with us, Gem will let him carry her around and she will just look around and smile and enjoy her Daddy time. When I take Gem out she wants to nurse, then look around, then look around while nursing, then change positions, then almost always has a diaper blowout, then gets overstimulated and upset and wants to nurse again. In the same hour. So for my aunt's sanity, I nursed Gem before we left the house, in the Walmart parking lot, in the store, and in the car again. During all of this it was pretty cold outside so Gem was happy to be snuggled under my scarf. In Old Navy she was getting fussy, but by the time we were at Panera she really just wanted to be at home snuggling in bed.

     The Panera Bread near us has a fireplace and big cushy chairs surrounding it, with small side tables. I was able to eat my food and nurse much more comfortably. It was very warm however, so I did not want to cover Gem and make her too warm. My aunt stood and held a bad in front of us almost the entire time we were there! We weren't even facing anyone. Someone would have to actually try to see what we were doing, and if they did I had a very calm and tired out girl in my arms, so she was sleeping on my breast blocking any mishaps.

     I know auntie was just trying to help me be modest, and she didn't want to offend anyone. I was offended. I do not understand why I need to hide away while I feed or comfort my baby. It did not help that there was another family who had their baby sleeping in a carseat with a pacifier. My aunt would have been fine with that scenario. Breastfeeding is something she has not been exposed to, and since I'm not doing what she did she does not know how to react.

Just so everyone knows, I did not give in. I did not say anything to her, and ignored her requests for me to use a blanket. I just smiled and kept eating.

Also, I got some cute leggings and the most beautiful scarf from Old Navy. 

Edit:


I wear the leggings all the time, and I lost the beautiful scarf....somewhere. I really thought it was in the car. It isn't. I thought it could be in the living room. It's not. The twins must have found a new hiding place because I really think my scarf is gone for good. Seriously.

Busy busy!

     My birthday was this past Saturday. Daddy, Gem, Cha, and I went to see a hot air balloon launch.

     Except, the balloons didn't launch! It was too windy to get them off the ground, and as the sun started to set it got too cold for Gem. We took some nice family photos though, and of course Daddy has much better pictures with Gem because of my master photographer skills. Not really, I'm actually pretty terrible. I keep reading tutorials and trying to get better pictures, but I think without an actual class I'm not going to improve much.

 

Edit:

I wrote this a week ago, then forgot to post it. Oops!

Day of Bert and Ernie (BERTDEY)

     It's offically my birthday! I'm 24 now, a mama, and in a completely different place than I was last year. I'm really happy to relax and be with my family, instead of being out at smoky bars with strangers.

     Today is also John Lennon and his son Sean Lennon's birthday today. It is said that John loved Sean more than anything, and became a househusband for him. I think that's really interesting, and also beautiful. Read more in this Daily Mail Article which includes lovely pictures of John, Sean, and Yoko. If possible, Gem's Daddy would be at home with us everyday. He'd cook us delicious meals, sing thoughtful songs, and everyday would be a celebration.

     Gem will be 3 months old on the 11th, it's crazy how much time has passed! She's been cooing more, and we like to stay in bed after Daddy leaves for school. She tells me all her secrets, and I tell her mine. I can't wait until she can tell me about her dreams. I always wonder what they're about. When people ask, I tell them she's dreaming about angels because she looks so serene, she even smiles in her sleep sometimes.

     

     I can't wait to see my surprise from Daddy! I'll post pictures tomorrow, if weather permits we're going to a soccer game and then a hot air balloon launch. 

     Quote of the day:

"They say it's your birthday, well it's my birthday too, yeah!"

My First Post

     I'm an avid lurker of cooking. crafting, and breastfeeding blogs. I never leave comments because I'm always nervous that whatever I write won't be interesting enough for someone else to read. I always wind up kicking myself for not sharing my opinion, experience, or even thank yous because I'm too self-conscious.

     I need to write all of this down. For my sanity, to reflect, and to share with Gem. This is too wonderful a life to keep all to myself.

     Our beautiful baby girl Gem was born on July 11, 2010 to her very happy but nervous Mama Marissa and Daddy. We're living with Daddy's parents, Daddy's sister, her husband, and their twin 20 month olds. Our house may be crowded, but it's full of love. Delicious food is always being made, new wines are tasted, friends visit often, and kisses are currency. I find myself challenged everyday to become a better mother, a better aunt, a better baker. Daddy's sister Ahmee makes jewelry and imports luxury items handmade from Nepal. She bakes homemade bread, tries to organize our chaotic house, and offers me advice all while trying to plan for her business and raise her own babies. Nonni and Nana(Grandma and Grandpa) work very demanding jobs in the medical field, and are often gone for 10-12 hours out of the day. Chacha (Uncle) is still adjusting to living in the United States, as he just moved here from Nepal a month and a half ago. The babies are the sweetest and most stubborn. BB(baby boy) gets into everything sharp, and BG(baby girl) is a momma's girl. They are currently struggling with finding English words and feeding themselves.

     My days right now are spent increasing my milk supply by pumping with a hospital grade pump,reading other blogs, and trying to enjoy all of my cuddling time now. I have a computer next to my bed, and spend way too much time on the internet while I'm nursing Gem. I should embrace it now, because she is easily restless and I know we won't have this much down time for very much longer. I had a very difficult start to breastfeeding, and am very interested in learning about other mothers' experiences and advocating for other breastfeeding moms. We co-sleep, we are working on carrying in different slings, and enjoy taking Gem to visit family, friends, and new places.

     I studied developmental psychology, early childhood education, and special education at the University of Pittsburgh. I was unable to complete my studies due to financial difficulties, but I hope when Daddy finishes school, I will be able to return. For now I'm currently staying at home with Gem, while Daddy finishes college. He's getting his Associates in December, and transferring to a better school to get his BA in elementary education. Daddy is one of the smartest people I know, but loves to laugh. We can have a serious discussion about education reform, politics, and local schools, then go watch South Park and original Star Trek episodes. He is a musician, and sings folk songs to Gem and me whenever the mood strikes him.

    This is only a snapshot of my life right now, but I have so much more to say. For now, here are some actual snapshots of my family:

Baby-faced Daddy and Gem at the hospital.

 

Mama and Gem's least favorite way to be held.

I've still got it!  ;)

 

 

 

 

Zen Gem in the car.

     That's all I have for today, but I'll leave you with a quote of the day:

 "You know in Alaska they let their babies play with knives." - dedicated to Auntie Emily.